It all boils down to this: I never accepted myself. All my emptiness, my cries or depressions are contained in those words. I'm stubborn. I followed some of my instincts, I made my choices and I finally make my way. But in any of these heights I had never accepted myself. Inside me the endless void, the tears flowed and depressions followed a trajectory of yo-yo.
Despite the tough decisions, or the creation of this project, the void was still there. It was born early. I don't even remembering when. It grew with me. Becoming more and more invisible. Always put a negative charge at everything in me. I felt that I was not normal, but ended up doing nonetheless what I wanted. Almost with my eyes closed.
But only now, a few days ago, it become clear. While found so many people and sharing so many moments, which at one point I was forced to begin the process of acceptance. It started in Iran, but had its greatest impact here in India. Related to them are moments that are shared with others and not with words.
Today I see how the way we live in society shapes us and breaks us. How we have to choose the norm or accept rejection. It's a tough choice. One that I did out of pure stubbornness, and some masochism. I never wanted to bend to what others told me to do. But inside, this behavior had the price of emptiness.
When I looked into my self I always rejected what I saw. I was me, but trying to be another. It happened so sublime that I walked between worlds. Now, I no longer need to do it. I'm not abnormal or normal. I am a simple person. As all, have characteristics, tastes and way of living my life. Nor good or bad. I am mine. I know I will always be judged by others, but it never interested me much. For in the midst of my selfishness, I realized that my judgment was the strongest of all.
Today I know that I am not abnormal for some tastes I have. Or for some emotions I feel. But I also know that I am not alone. That there is always someone who shares some of what we feel.
No comments:
Post a Comment