Story of a picture: Through your eyes

I notice you and see a life. A vacant stare fills my thoughts. I know I cannot access yours. I'm just here, in the distance, trying to capture your beauty.

Through your eyes I try to walk in your life. I try to understand what motivates your look. I wonder what you see when your eyes cross mine... Will you see a person, or just another tourist that can give some of your food? A stupid tourist who ignores the harshness of your life?

Did you see me? Or the habit of spending a day in the same place makes you blind to what is around you. I was not indifferent to you. Your eyes told me that your life wasn't easy. Your wrinkles follow the beauty of your eyes. Confide in me that you never surrender. That even today you look around and admire your surroundings. You try to capture a future client while savor the time that your job allows you to.

In this square you can see the world. You can admire the Europeans, Americans and Chinese. In between you see your fellow citizens. In the traces of the architecture you can travel between the east and west, and perhaps you are proud of being a daughter of this place that is a world of civilizations...

Moments without place

Throughout the trip you will find them a lot. A variety hard to match. And if the word "place" is something that pops up when the subject is travel, the reality is that it will lose its initial strength. And sometimes - almost by magic - it disappears from the vocabulary. It was in Kathmandu as a physical location. We had around us the Nepalese and its monuments. The air was definitely from this city, but we were not there. We were in a moment without a place.

That day I spent with Nuno Cruz – that I already talked about here - was passed in many places. Was passed in emotions and dreams. In the present situation and future projects. It was a magical moment, hard to put into words.

The curiosity was too much. I have followed his steps through this world on his blog, and now I was curious to meet him. Of course I met the traveler. But more than that, I met a human being with tremendous depth. Those ones that are able to change the world with their actions (or as Ben Harper said, with his “own two hands”). And between a cod fish, a park bench and a room, the time fled to the rhythm of the words that brought us many worlds.

When I left him at the airport, I was longing for the future times and the joy that you feel whenever you cross with a special person. Now our paths unfold in different directions, but always in the same world. Not a physic one, but one of emotions and dreams.

Goodbye India, Hello Nepal

I wasn't used to it anymore. After three months in the same country, here I am. Preparing another trip abroad. The nervous niggling feeling in my stomach returned. Almost like butterflies when you're in love. As a gift I bought a plane trip to Kathmandu via Delhi. Which is why I was at the small airport of Dabolim in Goa.

I like small airports. They give us a feeling of travel. The international ones are too hygienic and belong to a world of their own. Few differences exist between them. The little ones have more character but also less things to kill time. This only offered a cafe and a small bookstore to get me distracted. As I looked at the small collection of books, my mind wandered through the feelings of a hard farewell to India. A trip as intense as the Indian one doesn't disappear with a simple border crossing. So I was preparing my body to receive Nepal.

But it was still far away. Before I had to go through bureaucratic entry into the travelers area of the airport, arrive at Delhi, wait eight hours to repeat the red tape again until I could get to Nepal. From day one – the only I used the plane - that these procedures amazed me. For a country as "organized" like this, it was impressive how many steps you have to pass through a single checkpoint.

You check in as any other country. Wait ... I forgot to say. Before this, you have to pass the bag through a x-ray machine - that "conveniently" is in another location. If you're lucky - and have nothing to disturb the security guards - then you get a stamp of approval. Of course it was not my case, and when my backpack was set aside, I knew that life wouldn't be so easy.

"No lighters ..." tells me the security with a sympathetic smile. I was already waiting this after losing mine when I got to India.

"Is it ok now" I asked, just to be sure they did not commit any mistake taking in hand my backpack. He looks at the the other guard, and although I don't understand Hindi, I can understand that not yet...

"Do you have cameras?" Question that I feel like a dagger in my back. "Yes ..." I reply hesitantly. "... But I have not the slightest idea where ... omg, I'll have to take everything out of the bag ... "I think, while the other part of the brain tries to find a solution.

"Can I see the picture?" I ask and pray that this was not the worst place: the middle of the pack.

"Yes of course" I smile with the sigh of relief when I notice that it is on top of the backpack.

With this problem solved, I go to the check-in. Something that is not complicated. With the backpack on the weight limit - to my astonishment – I give my passport and receive the boarding pass. Time for one more bureaucracy: pass into the passenger area. Nothing special ... Well it wouldn't be if the person at check-in has given me the paper to be stamped by the security check point. I find that out after spending 10 minutes in line. Time to return to check in, get the label and back in line for another 15 minutes.

Finally I'm in the waiting area for my plane. From that moment everything was simple. When the plane took off, part of me was already saying goodbye to India. I was only one night at the airport of Delhi away from Kathmandu. But as it was in India, I still a small surprise to come...

Just outside the plane I had a strange feeling. A mismatch between what my mind had imagine and what my eyes were seeing. Something that I confirmed when I left from the domestic airport. I couldn't believe ... All neaty and tidy. Everything so ... perfect. After three months my body reacted violently to this dose of Western normality. It seemed that I had returned to Europe.

With the late hour I was looking for a place to sleep. My original plan was to stay in the waiting place inside the airport. Of course making plans here only serve to fail, so I was barred at the entrance of the international airport. "Too early" the guard tells me while suggesting me to go to another waiting room in a corner of the airport. I try to follow the suggestion, but before entering the room I see a sign informing me that staying in that place cost 70 rupees each hour. In a fit of greed, I think the spotless floor of the airport is a great bed.

Once I've found a nice place, I lay down. I choose a place near other passengers trying to do the same. Unity is strength, and in these things I don't like to be alone. After a while I already felt like in a real bed. It was time to dream ...

"Excuse me ..." I wake up to this startling comment. He was a cop. By now I could read in his face what he wanted to transmit. First with a rude face - perhaps thinking that it was Indian - then with a kinder one when he understand that I am from abroad. And in a very polite way he tells me to get out and go to the waiting room. I explain I don't want to pay money, and he tells me, to my astonishment, that I only need to show the ticket.

Back to the place that I had been an hour before, my astonishment doesn't end. After wandering in search of a place I notice they have chaise lounges to rest. While I put my body to rest I have my last thoughts. I smile imagining how the tourists have the wrong image when they arrive in this place. A so clean place before facing all the incredible challenges that India has to offer.

The next day was more mechanical. Perhaps the anxiety overcame the farewell feeling. With everything set, I quickly found my seat on the plane. I looked around me, and the faces of people didn't deceive me. I was going to a new country. Traces of eastern asia already penetrated the faces of the passengers. When it was announced that we are arriving, I feel again that thrill of a new adventure. It was time to greet this new country.

Thank you!

India is ... | X | ← put the adjective you want. It makes sense. I now realize why this country captures the imagination of so many for so long. I tried to describe as best I could but this is impossible. I only managed to convey a small image, who only knew a little of this country. Ninety days in this country is equivalent to an atom of a crumb of the world's largest cake.

I could try to imagine it. I could try to plan it. But I know it would be impossible to wish for a better journey that I experienced. And though I'm the actor who unites all the different stories. The real stars – shinning very bright in the sky - are the people who I had the privilege of knowing. To all those who I will nominate and those who I omit because of forgetfulness, a huge and heartfelt thanks. I know that in your life I was a moment or a few days, but you can not imagine how wonderful to be on this side and see so much human wealth to pass on my way.

In one way or another, these are some of the people who have made India what it is to me: a magical place and that will be tattooed on the heart.

I remember the friendliness and kindness of Mr. Bento in Panjim. The sweet talk with Mariah while we shared a table for dinner. The Manchester City of Ian (will be this year?), The time shared with Lisa writing articles. The heartfelt goodbye of Serafin in his Ordo Sounsar or LD and how she made me feel at home in this space. Without forgetting the eclipse shared with them. And it was also there I found the generosity and kindness of Tom that offered me his house if I pass by Munich.

Can not forget the walk, talk and personality of Oscar in Hampi. Or the moment shared in a lost travel agency / bus stop in the middle of Hospet with Selina. The way Firoz cared about me in his guesthouse in Cochin, while an elderly client raised all possible problems.

As I will take with me the goodbye hug in Munnar with Dotan, or re-meeting Dani after the time spent in Munnar. And in my ears, is the voice of Nadesh while singing at Echo Valley. I think the coffee shared and the valuable help of Divya in Chennai. A time shared with her friends and where I met Alex sympathy and the hospitality of Vinoth, an Indian traveler, who help me negotiate the ride by rickshaw to my long-awaited train journey.

And how I felt among friends at a bus station in the company of Yogesh and his cronies in Mumbai. And there are moments that are happy coincidences. Like sharing a dusty bus with Jure. A journey turned into one of those conversations that lead us to many places.

Of course for me Rajasthan will always be connected to Hannah, who helped me unlock it and with whom I shared so many moments. Hard to pick one, but in my mind is sunset while we were "stars" for the the papparazi's behind us. A surreal image just as India allows.

And in this place I also remenber the heartfull sympathy of Badal in Khuri, something that touched me. A person who seems to exude integrity and friendliness. Equally concerning was the joy and willingness of Kukki while cruising the rural roads of Bundi. Here I stayed right next to the restaurant of Chetna and Tony, a couple so nice as humorous and I hope one day they are able to go to Europe and if they are there, we meet in Portugal.

It was also here that I met wonderful Dustin who I shared great conversations on the lakefront. But think about him I will say when the visit him in his country, Vietnam.

And when I thought there was only time to visit the iconic monuments of India, I am introduced to sympathy eagerness to learn of Pramod in Varanasi. Or the hospitality and brotherhood of Abid and Hassan in Kajuraho. Only to be amazed to spent one unplanned day with Fernando and where I could relearn to speak Portuguese, while our conversation jumped from English to Portuguese, at habit of native language or the strenght of oblivion.

And to end the trip perfectly my path crosses with that of Aurelie. And between the shared smile in Panjim and the heartfelt goodbye in a bus station in Madgaon, there were many special moments shared, impossible to choose a single one.

And these are just fragments of moments shared with special people. A humanity of people who enriched me, made me smile and most of all filled my heart. To all a huge thank you. I will never forget you and hope we find each other on these paths of the world.

Le moi errant: Acceptance

It all boils down to this: I never accepted myself. All my emptiness, my cries or depressions are contained in those words. I'm stubborn. I followed some of my instincts, I made my choices and I finally make my way. But in any of these heights I had never accepted myself. Inside me the endless void, the tears flowed and depressions followed a trajectory of yo-yo.

Despite the tough decisions, or the creation of this project, the void was still there. It was born early. I don't even remembering when. It grew with me. Becoming more and more invisible. Always put a negative charge at everything in me. I felt that I was not normal, but ended up doing nonetheless what I wanted. Almost with my eyes closed.

But only now, a few days ago, it become clear. While found so many people and sharing so many moments, which at one point I was forced to begin the process of acceptance. It started in Iran, but had its greatest impact here in India. Related to them are moments that are shared with others and not with words.

Today I see how the way we live in society shapes us and breaks us. How we have to choose the norm or accept rejection. It's a tough choice. One that I did out of pure stubbornness, and some masochism. I never wanted to bend to what others told me to do. But inside, this behavior had the price of emptiness. 

When I looked into my self I always rejected what I saw. I was me, but trying to be another. It happened so sublime that I walked between worlds. Now, I no longer need to do it. I'm not abnormal or normal. I am a simple person. As all, have characteristics, tastes and way of living my life. Nor good or bad. I am mine. I know I will always be judged by others, but it never interested me much. For in the midst of my selfishness, I realized that my judgment was the strongest of all.

Today I know that I am not abnormal for some tastes I have. Or for some emotions I feel. But I also know that I am not alone. That there is always someone who shares some of what we feel.

Story of a Picture: The Smile

Today I have a few words for this photo. Being the last week, I offer a photo which is the biggest highlight of India and humanity: the smile!

10 Tips for you visit to India

It's almost finished. It was a brutal experience. Those that change you, and you cannot return from it. It is another strange coming out of India. But before I do so, I wanted to share some tips about this huge country. Maybe can help you out when you venture in here:

1 – No tips makes sense in India

Forget everything I will say. Chances are that it does not apply. And being in India maybe they will. Confused? Great. Now you are already enjoying a bit of India. This country is unpredictable. It will be what you are. Its charm is that, to never be the same. So you are really on your own.

2 - It all makes sense and also its opposite

Perhaps the most loved feature of India for me. Here the reality is very different from ours. We are so used to have white, black and a set of gray in between, we get confused when  we land here. Here the reality is quantic and not linear. Therefore, there is no other way to find out but to experience it. What appears to be dirty is not. The poor is rich and wiser than you. So come with an open mind to something you've never seen.

3 - The letter P was invented to build the word patience and for you to use it here

If you do not have it, you'll start. If you already have, it will increase. India is not easy. It can, if you let it, lead you to madness. But the secret is right there: it's all in your hands. If you want, you will find many reasons for you to get upset. Transport with delays, something fixed that does not happen or even desperate at the pace of the employee of the restaurant. But on the other hand, you can become aware of this reality and adapt to what is around you. Either way, bring a good dose of patience. You will need it.

4 - India has existed for thousands of years and will continue to exist after you get off here

I would say this is the Western syndrome. I went through the same. At the beginning everything is overwhelming. And while you're in "Western" mode you will have a strong desire to help or change this reality. Forget it. India is older than any European nation and has survived basically everything. So it must be doing something right. Anyway, this is a society with its rules, and is not in the small period you're here that something will change.

5 - Be careful what you wish for

This is perhaps one of the biggest tips. Usually you end up getting what you desire but not the way you had imagined. So be very careful with what you are looking for. For sure you will find it.

6 - There is every reason not to work, but it works

This is one of the charms of this multi-country. Regardless of what you see, things work. Often seems like pure magic. At least that's what I think whenever I look at an electricity pole, or when I'm in traffic. Therefore, and despite what all your instincts tell you, you can be sure it will work.

7 - The Indians created Murphy's Law and its antidote

Murphy's Law should be called the Indian law, such is the propensity for failure. They have invented this law, but also learned to find its solution. Thus, more than stress is better for you to let things flow for a solution appear. And here the balance is the dominant note. You cannot be passive or too active. The trick is to find the points that make things happen. I recall the day I sent the photos to reveal. I wanted to offer them to people in the villages where I had shoot them. I was going to stay only one more day there so I knew I was taking a risk. Of course, the unexpected happened and the pictures went to another village. And at the time, instead of bothering me and worry, I basically made a point to emphasize the promise he had made. Three hours later I had the photos in hand and a smile in my face.

8 - Easy is something that does not match India

If you walk looking for an easy experience don't come to India. And difficult means... difficult. So ponder always very well before you decide to come here. India can be your best or worst experience. But if you're prepared for it (you never are but what counts is that you think so), and if you accept what India has to offer, you'll have the experience of your life.

9 - You can only receive what you give

Perhaps the greatest gift I received, but one that I have to warn you. India is what you are. Or rather, what you give. Never felt so much reciprocity as here. If I woke up with a less friendly face India turned into something aggressive and hard. If I had a big smile then India was something magnificent. And in that sense India is very generous. What you give it returns 10 times more. But that is for all that you give, whether good or bad. You begin to understand what is around you is in your hands, and you end up starting a trip within yourself which will change you.

10 - Get ready for smiles

And this is the biggest tip of all. I know people - and I will not be different when you ask me - have a tendency to highlight the worst. In this case the garbage, confusion, hustle, hustle, children asking for something, the streets turn into public toilletes, etc ... But this is something you overtake in an instant. What crushes you and reduces into the most insignificant being is the smile of a child. They are brutal and it will undo everything you have inside. So - and despite knowing that it is impossible - prepare your body to feel the brutal and gentle power of the smile of Indian children ...